I love this time of year. Thanksgiving and Christmas time. Christmas is my favorite time of the year and Thanksgiving is awesome because it gets everyone in that mind set of being with family and friends and all that warm fuzzing feeling stuff. I love it when peace and love are in the air. Even though it's cold outside, it's always a good feeling when it's this time of year.
I just wanted to come on here and tell everyone to enjoy the holidays, smile alittle bigger and be thankful for everything you have now. Because it could always be worse. So be glad you have a family that loves you, friends that look out for you, a warm roof over your head and hot food on your table. Let's all enjoy this time of the year. Happy Thanksgiving and Merry Christmas everyone!
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Monday, November 22, 2010
I Don't Trust You
Fuck it, it's not worth it. And no, this was not about you. I reread this and decided to delete it.
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Enage Insomnia.....NOW!
This is really starting to get out of hand... I'm trying so hard to turn my life around and become a better person then the one who I used to be. I've taken all these steps in life to move up higher, but I knew something would come around to take me back down to rock bottom. For once I just want a fucking break and to stop pulling the hairs out of my head.
I want to go to bed before 2AM. I want to get more the 5 hours of sleep at night. I'm getting tired of looking over my shoulder whenever I leave my house, and I'm getting sick of watching my review mirror. I hate of having that fear of nothing being able to go home at the end of the day. I hate being paranoid whenever some one comes to my door and think "this is it."
This was not my fault what so ever but I'm paying for it now. I'm getting punished for something I didn't do. I seriously thought this stupid bullshit was over with and I was finally going to have nothing to stress over. Even just hearing a car drive down the street grabs my attention. I hate this. I just want a fucking normal life. Most 22 year old kids don't have to deal with the shit that I have to go through. Like seriously, I thought everything was great. I've been job hunting, stopped smoking, treated my friends better, treated my family better, controlled my anger even with the lack of nicotine. All of my bills are paid for for the rest of the year. Things were going great. I thought I could finally sleep at night and not toss and turn and stare into the darkness for hours.
Sometimes I think of just jumping shit and leaving town. Sometimes I just want to pack my shit up, throw it all into the trunk of my car, get onto the freeway and drive. Just to go. I gave up that dream though, to make everything better. I could have usually used that money to take a train halfway across the country. But I used it all to pay my bills and help around the house. I stopped thinking about what I wanted to do and focused on what I needed to do.
It's like, I have always have this constant thought floating around my head, always over powering my conscience just telling me "you fucked up."
It's that it's always been. My entire life. I do something good and it get canceled out by something bad.
Honestly, if I wasn't so far from the California boarder, I'd probably be spending the weekend at some hotel out of state. Just to clear my head, to be away from my problems and to think things through. I'd have to prepare myself for the next couple of days, because honestly I do not know what is about to happen to me in the next, what... 48 hours? Things are about to get interesting. For good or bad, something is about to happen.
And for those of you thinking I'm going to do something stupid like hurt myself or anything even close to that, tell me your first and last name so I can remove all contact with you for being so fucking stupid.
I want to go to bed before 2AM. I want to get more the 5 hours of sleep at night. I'm getting tired of looking over my shoulder whenever I leave my house, and I'm getting sick of watching my review mirror. I hate of having that fear of nothing being able to go home at the end of the day. I hate being paranoid whenever some one comes to my door and think "this is it."
This was not my fault what so ever but I'm paying for it now. I'm getting punished for something I didn't do. I seriously thought this stupid bullshit was over with and I was finally going to have nothing to stress over. Even just hearing a car drive down the street grabs my attention. I hate this. I just want a fucking normal life. Most 22 year old kids don't have to deal with the shit that I have to go through. Like seriously, I thought everything was great. I've been job hunting, stopped smoking, treated my friends better, treated my family better, controlled my anger even with the lack of nicotine. All of my bills are paid for for the rest of the year. Things were going great. I thought I could finally sleep at night and not toss and turn and stare into the darkness for hours.
Sometimes I think of just jumping shit and leaving town. Sometimes I just want to pack my shit up, throw it all into the trunk of my car, get onto the freeway and drive. Just to go. I gave up that dream though, to make everything better. I could have usually used that money to take a train halfway across the country. But I used it all to pay my bills and help around the house. I stopped thinking about what I wanted to do and focused on what I needed to do.
It's like, I have always have this constant thought floating around my head, always over powering my conscience just telling me "you fucked up."
It's that it's always been. My entire life. I do something good and it get canceled out by something bad.
Honestly, if I wasn't so far from the California boarder, I'd probably be spending the weekend at some hotel out of state. Just to clear my head, to be away from my problems and to think things through. I'd have to prepare myself for the next couple of days, because honestly I do not know what is about to happen to me in the next, what... 48 hours? Things are about to get interesting. For good or bad, something is about to happen.
And for those of you thinking I'm going to do something stupid like hurt myself or anything even close to that, tell me your first and last name so I can remove all contact with you for being so fucking stupid.
Friday, November 19, 2010
Where Did Dann Overboard Come From?
Tonight, I decided I will talk about my nickname Dann "Overboard." Where it came from, and why it's stuck with me so almost 6 years now. The name comes from a Blink-182 song Man Overboard, which you can listen at the bottom of this blog. The song is about Blink-182's old drummer, Scott, leaving the band. You listen to the song and it sounds like there was a falling out with this ex member. They tried to be friends and work it out but his way just didn't fly with everyone. I'm going to break down the song for you, and explain how this amazing song, became me.
It starts off with "There's so much more that I wanted and there's so much more that I needed and time keeps moving on and on and on soon we'll all be gone." Simple. There's so much shit that I want in my life but I never get the chance to get. But it doesn't bother me too much because "soon we'll all be gone." I'll just take what I can get, but always want more.
"Let's take some time to talk this over. You're out of line and rarely sober. We can't depend on your excuses cause in the end it's fucking useless."
Let's face it, when you hear the name Dann Overboard, what's the first thing that pops into your head? Was it alcohol? Most likely. I drink. I am a drunk. Well... I USED to drink. I mean I still do, but not as much as I used to. I used to drink on a nightly basis and get hammered for the sake of getting hammered. When something didn't go my way, or I fucked up I always had an excuse. ALWAYS had an excuse. I made up excuses for everything. It got to a point where no one gave a fuck any more. "Cause in the end, it's fucking useless."
"You can only lean on me for so long. Bring your ship about to watch a friend drown. Stood over the ledge, begged you to come down. You can only lean on me for so long"
This is similar to a conversation I had with some one before we had a falling out. Pretty much what it means, to me, is that I would always turn to this person when I needed help. They became my crutch. My means of getting up and moving around. I would always lean on them. But, when they needed me, I'd sit there and do nothing. I'd listen but that was it. They would be suffering and I wouldn't do anything about it. But I would expect them to still be there for me.
"I remember shots, without a chaser, absent minds thoughts, now you're a stranger. Cover up the scars, put on your game face, left you in a bar to try and save face"
I'd get drunk alot and I would just ramble on about everything. Most the time I would go on about how bad my life was and all that drunk emotional shit. Ofcourse, years later, I realize how stupid I was. When I would get drunk, I'd be a different person. My views and my opinions would change compared to when I was sober. I'd become a stranger to my friends. But when I was sober, I'd hide everything. I'd put on a fake smile and pretend everything was just dandy. No one did anything about it. They'd let me do this, thinking it would help me... Or something. I don't know.
"Man on a mission, can't say I miss him around. Insider information, hand in your resignation. Loss of a good friend, best of intentions I found. Tight lipped, procrastination. Yeah later, See you around"
This is how I assumed they felt about me. I was on a mission to be destructive and slowly kill myself (alcohol, tobacco, parting, not suicide or anything). Ofcourse they wouldn't tell me this, but they would discuss it between eachother. I was a good friend, who tried my best to be a good person, but just couldn't take care of myself. They kept their mouth shut, while I kept procrastinating. Then they were gone. With promises of being friends again, down the road, they disappeared.
I never realized any of this until I sat down and listened to Man Overboard and realized "Holy shit, this song is about me."
Ofcourse, there are other reasons why I am "overboard." Because that's something I good at doing. I go overboard alot. Whether it comes to being paranoid, exaggerating, what ever. I tend to go overboard with alot of things that I do. Sometimes on purpose, like getting work done. Sometimes not, like overrating to situations.
I am Dann Overboard because I go overboard.
It starts off with "There's so much more that I wanted and there's so much more that I needed and time keeps moving on and on and on soon we'll all be gone." Simple. There's so much shit that I want in my life but I never get the chance to get. But it doesn't bother me too much because "soon we'll all be gone." I'll just take what I can get, but always want more.
"Let's take some time to talk this over. You're out of line and rarely sober. We can't depend on your excuses cause in the end it's fucking useless."
Let's face it, when you hear the name Dann Overboard, what's the first thing that pops into your head? Was it alcohol? Most likely. I drink. I am a drunk. Well... I USED to drink. I mean I still do, but not as much as I used to. I used to drink on a nightly basis and get hammered for the sake of getting hammered. When something didn't go my way, or I fucked up I always had an excuse. ALWAYS had an excuse. I made up excuses for everything. It got to a point where no one gave a fuck any more. "Cause in the end, it's fucking useless."
"You can only lean on me for so long. Bring your ship about to watch a friend drown. Stood over the ledge, begged you to come down. You can only lean on me for so long"
This is similar to a conversation I had with some one before we had a falling out. Pretty much what it means, to me, is that I would always turn to this person when I needed help. They became my crutch. My means of getting up and moving around. I would always lean on them. But, when they needed me, I'd sit there and do nothing. I'd listen but that was it. They would be suffering and I wouldn't do anything about it. But I would expect them to still be there for me.
"I remember shots, without a chaser, absent minds thoughts, now you're a stranger. Cover up the scars, put on your game face, left you in a bar to try and save face"
I'd get drunk alot and I would just ramble on about everything. Most the time I would go on about how bad my life was and all that drunk emotional shit. Ofcourse, years later, I realize how stupid I was. When I would get drunk, I'd be a different person. My views and my opinions would change compared to when I was sober. I'd become a stranger to my friends. But when I was sober, I'd hide everything. I'd put on a fake smile and pretend everything was just dandy. No one did anything about it. They'd let me do this, thinking it would help me... Or something. I don't know.
"Man on a mission, can't say I miss him around. Insider information, hand in your resignation. Loss of a good friend, best of intentions I found. Tight lipped, procrastination. Yeah later, See you around"
This is how I assumed they felt about me. I was on a mission to be destructive and slowly kill myself (alcohol, tobacco, parting, not suicide or anything). Ofcourse they wouldn't tell me this, but they would discuss it between eachother. I was a good friend, who tried my best to be a good person, but just couldn't take care of myself. They kept their mouth shut, while I kept procrastinating. Then they were gone. With promises of being friends again, down the road, they disappeared.
I never realized any of this until I sat down and listened to Man Overboard and realized "Holy shit, this song is about me."
Ofcourse, there are other reasons why I am "overboard." Because that's something I good at doing. I go overboard alot. Whether it comes to being paranoid, exaggerating, what ever. I tend to go overboard with alot of things that I do. Sometimes on purpose, like getting work done. Sometimes not, like overrating to situations.
I am Dann Overboard because I go overboard.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Mind Over Matter
So, for those of you that don't know, I've quit smoking. Three weeks ago. Today has been exactly 3 weeks since I've had a cigarette. I smoked for 6 years and have quit once before, when I was in the military and tried quitting again at the beginning of this year. Both times didn't work. When I was in the military, I quit smoking for about... 3 months... But the problem with that was, everyone else around me had also stopped smoking. We didn't have a choice. So, while we were all quitting none of us were exposed to the temptations of giving in and smoking, so it made it easy far all of us to give it. But as soon as I had the option to actually smoke, that's when the cravings kicked in and I lost control and gave into the urges to smoke. The second time I tried to quit smoking, I stopped for about 2 weeks. The problem with that one was I quit cold turkey. I didn't prepare myself to stop smoking or anything. I just woke up and said today I'm done smoking. Well, that didn't last too long. About two weeks late, I caved in and started smoking again. For about an extra 2 weeks though, I was telling everyone that I still haven't smoked. I didn't want to man up and tell them that I failed at quitting smoking at started smoking again. That didn't go down too well.
But yes, three weeks ago today I stopped smoking. I've been using some meds to help me stop and ofcourse the patches. After looking back and realizing that I have the strength to actually kick the habit, I started thinking. The only thing that really brings me back to try and smoke is the cravings. My head tries to convince me I need to smoke. So, all I do is ignore myself, tell me to fuck off and keeping Playing playstation or whatever.
It's all mind over matter. You can do just about anything you want, if you put you mind into it. Yeah, yeah, I'm sure we've all heard this when we were younger. "You can whatever you dream!" Blah blah blah shut the fuck up already. I'm just here to say try it once.
Before I was joined the Navy I was running a mile with an average time of about.. Eh... 13 minutes. Once I joined and got to boot camp, they pushed my limits... Well, that's an under exaggeration to what they did. They grabbed my limits by the throat and threw it off a fucking cliff. My limits were whatever they wanted it to be. After, hours, days and weeks of getting pushed and pushed and trying and failing, I started to run a mile and a half in 13 minutes. I was doing an extra half mile at the same time of a regular mile. What I was doing, was when I was tired, light headed, about to vomit and thinking my legs were going to give out, I told my head to shut the fuck and kept going. Towards the end of bootcamp, I ran the fastest I've ever run in my entire life. I was running a mile and a half at 11 minutes. That's faster then I used to run a mile. I ignored my own limits and set them to what I wanted them to be, instead of what I thought they were.
When you're at that point of giving up and calling it quits, that usually means, you're just getting started. Once you reach that point all you have to is ignore the pain and keep on pushing. Just don't give up and never give up.
I guarantee you that if you use the whole "mind over matter" trick to ANYTHING in your daily activities you will be more successful in getting to your goals. Don't believe me? Try it? I've stopped smoking using it, and I've got through the toughest times in my life doing that. I promise, any thing you are having trouble with just keep on pushing and never ever give up. Once you hit that wall and feel like giving up, push past it and keep on going. Don't stop until you literally can't move anymore. Never take breaks, never sleep, never stop. Keep moving, keep trying and convince yourself to never fail.
If you believe you can't fail, then you cannot fail.
But yes, three weeks ago today I stopped smoking. I've been using some meds to help me stop and ofcourse the patches. After looking back and realizing that I have the strength to actually kick the habit, I started thinking. The only thing that really brings me back to try and smoke is the cravings. My head tries to convince me I need to smoke. So, all I do is ignore myself, tell me to fuck off and keeping Playing playstation or whatever.
It's all mind over matter. You can do just about anything you want, if you put you mind into it. Yeah, yeah, I'm sure we've all heard this when we were younger. "You can whatever you dream!" Blah blah blah shut the fuck up already. I'm just here to say try it once.
Before I was joined the Navy I was running a mile with an average time of about.. Eh... 13 minutes. Once I joined and got to boot camp, they pushed my limits... Well, that's an under exaggeration to what they did. They grabbed my limits by the throat and threw it off a fucking cliff. My limits were whatever they wanted it to be. After, hours, days and weeks of getting pushed and pushed and trying and failing, I started to run a mile and a half in 13 minutes. I was doing an extra half mile at the same time of a regular mile. What I was doing, was when I was tired, light headed, about to vomit and thinking my legs were going to give out, I told my head to shut the fuck and kept going. Towards the end of bootcamp, I ran the fastest I've ever run in my entire life. I was running a mile and a half at 11 minutes. That's faster then I used to run a mile. I ignored my own limits and set them to what I wanted them to be, instead of what I thought they were.
When you're at that point of giving up and calling it quits, that usually means, you're just getting started. Once you reach that point all you have to is ignore the pain and keep on pushing. Just don't give up and never give up.
I guarantee you that if you use the whole "mind over matter" trick to ANYTHING in your daily activities you will be more successful in getting to your goals. Don't believe me? Try it? I've stopped smoking using it, and I've got through the toughest times in my life doing that. I promise, any thing you are having trouble with just keep on pushing and never ever give up. Once you hit that wall and feel like giving up, push past it and keep on going. Don't stop until you literally can't move anymore. Never take breaks, never sleep, never stop. Keep moving, keep trying and convince yourself to never fail.
If you believe you can't fail, then you cannot fail.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
To Walk A Mile In Their Shoes
Before you read this I want to say I'm not perfect. I am no where near a role model and I am guilty of being an asshole at times. My life isn't the perfect life and my life isn't the worst life. I live a very good life with great people and luckly deal with minor problems. I'll admit I don't follow my own advise, but that's not going to stop me from writing this.
I'm not asking for anyone to change their lives, break their habits or daily routines. I'm not asking anyone to go out of their way to do anything. The only thing I am asking for is after you read this blog, just think about it. Spend two minutes, ten minutes, an hour, I don't care. Just think about this.
We all have problems. Every single one of us faces some kind of challenge every day. Some struggle more then others. Some always fail, some always succeed. Whether the problem is an argument with a loved one, or battling with a life threatening disease in the family. Some people don't have a roof over their heads and no bed to sleep in, but you will not find anyone happier then them. Some people have everything. Money, big house, fast cars, a family and a hot meal every night. Some of these people never smile through out their day. Some people can hide their pain, and some people have to express theirs.
No two lives are the same. Everyone handles a different amount of stress. And the next time some one gets on your nerves, or annoys you or gets under their skin. Just think about the path they've taken to get where they are today. If you understand their life and the types of struggles they've dealt with you can understand why they do the things they do now. People who haven't dealt with major, life changes can either be stronger then some people, or weaker then some people.
I'm doing a very shitty job at explaining this blog and what I want to say. So I'm just going to stop beating around the bush and just come out and say it. When you think you're in a bad situation, walk in some one elses shoes. Look at your life compared to others. Realize that the situation you are in will pass, if you let it. Don't let life get you so down, because things can always get worse.
Something I'm not good at doing is thinking. But for those that are, try it before you do or say something. Before you do something, think of the reaction. Before you say something, think of what you're saying actually means.
I don't know how else to sum up this blog with out saying, "Walk in their shoes for one day." You may have a different outlook on life if you pay attention.
I'm not asking for anyone to change their lives, break their habits or daily routines. I'm not asking anyone to go out of their way to do anything. The only thing I am asking for is after you read this blog, just think about it. Spend two minutes, ten minutes, an hour, I don't care. Just think about this.
We all have problems. Every single one of us faces some kind of challenge every day. Some struggle more then others. Some always fail, some always succeed. Whether the problem is an argument with a loved one, or battling with a life threatening disease in the family. Some people don't have a roof over their heads and no bed to sleep in, but you will not find anyone happier then them. Some people have everything. Money, big house, fast cars, a family and a hot meal every night. Some of these people never smile through out their day. Some people can hide their pain, and some people have to express theirs.
No two lives are the same. Everyone handles a different amount of stress. And the next time some one gets on your nerves, or annoys you or gets under their skin. Just think about the path they've taken to get where they are today. If you understand their life and the types of struggles they've dealt with you can understand why they do the things they do now. People who haven't dealt with major, life changes can either be stronger then some people, or weaker then some people.
I'm doing a very shitty job at explaining this blog and what I want to say. So I'm just going to stop beating around the bush and just come out and say it. When you think you're in a bad situation, walk in some one elses shoes. Look at your life compared to others. Realize that the situation you are in will pass, if you let it. Don't let life get you so down, because things can always get worse.
Something I'm not good at doing is thinking. But for those that are, try it before you do or say something. Before you do something, think of the reaction. Before you say something, think of what you're saying actually means.
I don't know how else to sum up this blog with out saying, "Walk in their shoes for one day." You may have a different outlook on life if you pay attention.
Monday, November 15, 2010
Dream On
So, I'm currently on some medication to help me quit smoking. The meds that I'm taking are Bupropion. One of the side effects from the mediation is weird dreams. I've been getting weird dreams alot. A couple of nights ago, I had a dream that I was at some random house investigating a random murder scene. But this wasn't just any regular murder scene... Some one had murdered a muppet. It was my job to investigate the house of the muppets and find out which muppet was the killer. Now, this was a completely serious dream. And no, I don't know which muppet was killed, I never got to see the body and his/her name was never mentioned.
Another dream I had was that I was watching Scrubs The Movie. But this movie was... Um... Dirty... The entire movie was just J.D. and Elliot doing the dirty dirt. After the dream the next day, I was watching Scrubs on T.V. and felt very awkward... Almost like they knew I watched them have sex. The great part about that great, Elliot looks amazing naked.
Those are really the only dreams I remember because they were the most recent... I'm not complaining or anything. I'm really enjoying these dreams. It's fun to wake up in the morning and sit up in your bed and just say to yourself "what the fuck just happened?"
Another dream I had was that I was watching Scrubs The Movie. But this movie was... Um... Dirty... The entire movie was just J.D. and Elliot doing the dirty dirt. After the dream the next day, I was watching Scrubs on T.V. and felt very awkward... Almost like they knew I watched them have sex. The great part about that great, Elliot looks amazing naked.
Those are really the only dreams I remember because they were the most recent... I'm not complaining or anything. I'm really enjoying these dreams. It's fun to wake up in the morning and sit up in your bed and just say to yourself "what the fuck just happened?"
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Going Overboard
Ever wonder what's wondering through the mind of Dann Overboard? Well, this is the perfect way to get to know what makes Dann's world go round and what shoots him down. Get inside my head like never before..
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)