Breathe...

To love some one who doesn't love you back is kinda like being awake during surgery. There's nothing you can do, but to lay there and take the pain until it's over. You can't stop it, and you can't make it go away. The best you can do it just pray that it will be over before you know it.

Some people would probably question me about the situation that I am currently in. If I were to explain it to anyone outside of the circle, I'd probably receive a weird look from them. But to be honest, I don't think I would change a thing.

In my younger years, I've done some stupid things. But nothing that I regret doing. Everything that I've done in my past has made me who I am today. And honestly, I really enjoy the person that I am today. Sure, I can be an asshole. I can be emotional. I can be brutally honest, and I can be I lair. But, I am me. And I am willing to put money down that you will never find another person who is like me. Whether that is a good thing, or a bad thing, I haven't decided. I can the listening ear that people need. I'm usually pretty good at giving advice and I am completely horrible at listening to my own words, and taking others people advice. When it comes to my problems, I usually tend to ignore other people, and continue to believe that things will work out in my favor. Most of the time, it ends works out for me. That's just the kind of luck I have.

But that's what I'm writing this blog about. I'm here to stay that I am standing my ground and crossing my fingers in hopes that maybe once, things will work out in my favor. Call me crazy or whatever you will because it seems to me that I am seeing something that no one else is.

But I'm standing my ground because it's what I want. I am willing to go through whatever pain comes my way, and I willing to go through and argument it may bring. I'm willing to go through anything it takes. There's nothing I've really wanted more then this goal... And it even surprises me that I will fight this hard for it. I don't think I've ever been this stubborn about anything else. But I guess that's part of what I'm feeling.

Then, on the other side of the coin, there is only so much that I can do. This isn't a mission that I can do alone. If it's not accepted by other people, not only does it make it harder on my end, but it can make it impossible to actually complete. But if it doesn't work, it doesn't work. And I would rather fail with knowing that I've tried and it didn't work out, instead of sitting on the sidelines watching, and wondering what could have happened.... Who knows how long it could it, assuming that it would....

If things stay the same, I would go along with the road that says it wouldn't work. But to be honest, that' not that road I want to take, so that's the road I refuse to even look down. In my eyes it doesn't exist....

That's the beauty of love... You can't control it. You don't know where it takes you, and you can't fight it. Once it's there, it's not easy to get rid of. It's impossible to wake up and just say it's gone.

And on the other side of the coin (yes this is a three sided coin, big deal want to fight about it?), That's also what is making me think it's not going to work out. Because it's there. But it's there for some one else. And I know what it's like to suffer and watch it go to some one who's not you. It makes you want it more, and it can also break you down.

Love is a game changer. You don't get to decide who get's to win and who get's to lose. The only thing you can do, is go out, try your hardest and hope you win. To not try is pointless. The more pain you go through, the better the victory it will be.

This is a victory I want, more then anything...And I want to do anything to get it. But the question I am facing now, is will I try to get it. Can I change the mind of another person? Can I change the lives of mine and the other?

I can't answer any thing. The only thing I can do, is never stop loving. And that's what I will do. I will never stop loving. Because I never did.